Today I made a decision that was both incredibly irresponsible, yet astonishingly grown-up.
I’m moving again. This may seem like small potatoes, and in many ways it is. I’m only 27 and I don’t own a home. Some people my age still live out of backpacks in developing nations, so moving from one over-priced, yuppie paradise to another really isn’t the end of the world. However, I’m in a tough position; the choice I made is a very irresponsible decision, while at the same time being a very mature choice.
About six months ago I moved away from downtown Campbell. I’d lived there for 4 years and I loved it. I felt like the “vibe” of the city was changing, though. Shops were closing, the bars were getting rowdier and full of the type of people who made high school pure misery for me, the prices were going up. I decided it was time to see what else was out there. I found an AMAZING apartment complex. I love living here. The units are high tech and luxurious (albeit very small). There’s an on-site dog park. It’s in a shabby-chic, trendy area not far from downtown San Jose. It’s really wonderful.
Over the past few months, something happened. I don’t know if it’s the economy recovering or if shipping companies are favoring trucks these days, but the traffic has gotten miserable. When I say “miserable”, I mean it. It’s not unusual to spend three hours a day in my car. My commute is 10 miles. I have been actively unhappy as a result. It seems like a silly thing to let bother you to the point of unhappiness, but for whatever reason it’s really getting to me. It’s become apparent that I need to move either to the north bay (to get the reverse commute) or somewhere where I can take surface streets (for various reasons that’s just not an option where I live now).
Segue to more unhappiness…. Since my dog died, I’ve been trying to spend a lot of time with my remaining dog, Wampa. I’m all he has now. I took him to walk around my old stomping grounds of downtown Campbell the other weekend. When I got there, I was so stricken with homesickness I actually cried (oh god, I know… where’s Titanic when I need it?). The little town I loved so much has built itself back up. Sure the horrid frat boys might still have the run of the bars, but now there’s a tea bar! All loose-leaf tea, all the time. There’s a wine bar. There’s a homemade chocolate shop. There’s a restaurant that serves burgers and breakfast… exclusively. There’s a deli where you sit at a bar and eat sandwiches and drink bottled beer. Walking through the area I was actually heartsick that I was no longer a part of it.
Living away from Campbell, I have also realized how important some activities were to me. I thought I’d be able to keep up the same involvement living away from them, but I just don’t and it’s making me more and more unhappy.
My yoga studio, for example. Sure, yoga studios are a dime a dozen, especially out here. But my yoga studio is special. I’m not a particularly social person, and that was a place where I felt loved and (for lack of a better word) socialized. I feel like a lot of the anger and irritation I’ve been feeling recently is because I haven’t been able to practice yoga nearly every day I like I did before.
I miss the endless blocks of the Farmer’s Market. I miss the library book sale. I miss walking around with my dogs and judging the yuppies. I miss taking myself to breakfast with my book at Stacks. I miss going to the Campbell Community Center track. It’s a lot of little things and I didn’t realize how my life was really built up around them.
I love my current apartment complex; I’ve met the most amazing people. I will miss the Friday night wine at the pool very much. But with the hell that is traffic, and the revelation of how achingly-homesick I am for my old little town of Campbell, I have decided to move.
Enter irresponsibility: Moving is expensive. Especially when I moved so recently. Moving is a HUGE pain. Not only that, but I have to break my lease, which A) is expensive and B) makes me feel sort of shitty, especially being how much I do love this place. The new place I found is magical, but it is more expensive. It’s a two-bedroom house with a little yard (perfect for a little dog). Each bedroom has its own bathroom, and there’s another half-bath downstairs. There are skylights and there is a fireplace, and it’s bright and cozy and VERY Betsy-ish. Best of all, it’s about 2 blocks from downtown Campbell.
So I’m conceding defeat; I’m moving back to Campbell. I tried the San Jose thing, but it just wasn’t my scene. I don’t like not being able to have my windows open because the people next to me smoke. I’m not thrilled with the homeless people going through the garbage every morning. And the San Jose State kids are awful and need to go to a real school. I’m going to spend a lot of money during the holidays (just when everyone has money to spare, right?) to move away from a place that is perfectly fine, just to give in to whims of homesickness.
When I moved away from Campbell, I made quite the scene on social media about why I was moving. Since there is a pretty significant story/reason behind why I’m dropping $largeamount just to move back to a place that a lot of people think is frumpy and overpriced, I wanted to explain my reasons, if nothing else, just to get them straight in my head.
I shouldn’t be spending this money just to move to a more expensive place. Totally irresponsible. Yet realizing that it’s the dumb little things that are important to me rather than the high tech apartment with central air and lots of electronics is something that I feel is very responsible.
Bottom line… I will have a guest room and live two blocks from Aqui in Campbell. Who’s coming to visit?